Exclusive Interview Laura

phenomeNEWS Exclusive Interview with:

DR. JUDY KURIANSKY

This month, we’re sharing our interview with popular psychologist, TV and radio personality Dr. Judy Kuriansky. Enjoy!

phenomeNEWS: Dr. Judy Kuriansky is a world-renowned clinical psychologist and sex therapist, radio advice host, TV personality, lecturer, newspaper columnist and author of five books. We first met Dr. Judy at the booksellers convention. We had seen of her on TV and by the way that she responds to people, we knew she was a like minded soul. She’s got a brand new book out, The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Tantric Sex. We are so pleased to have you share our conversation with Dr. Judy Kuriansky. Hi Judy.

Dr. Judy Kuriansky: Hi, what a pleasure, indeed it was such a joy to see your smiling faces at the book convention.

We had such fun. You were there and Dr. Ruth was right there too. We had the two gurus of sex there together. (laughter)

Right. The two of us were there together. That’s so funny. I’ve known her for many, many years. Dr. Ruth and I started on the radio together in 1981. I’ve been on the radio for so many years giving people advice about their questions. I’ve heard just about everything that people can possibly ask about their relationships, their love life, wanting to find someone to love and in fact it’s been very interesting that over two decades of being on the radio hearing peoples’ problems, they’ve been very consistent questions. Everybody wants to find someone to love. They are worried about where to go to find that perfect person and then once they’re in the relationship, they’re always worried about how to keep the fires going and how to keep it exciting.

Is that the reason you wrote this book on tantric sex?

Well actually it’s the reason I first wrote The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating and that was about where to meet somebody, what to say and what to even do when it ends. That led to The Complete Idiot’s Guide to a Healthy Relationship, the principle really of which is to keep dating and keep it as fresh and as new as that. Then that led to The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex, because over the past seven or so years my radio show was on the air in Japan. I was traveling back and forth there and then the other books I mentioned got translated into Chinese and I ended up going to China quite a bit. I became familiar with tantric sex which is an ancient practice that started in India, Nepal and China but which was really forgotten and repressed over the years. Many forward-thinking therapists here in America have revived those techniques.

So, I found myself really bringing back the ancient techniques of lovemaking to its own source and reminding the people from whence it came about how effective their techniques really are. It’s one of the most exciting things that have happened in the field of sexuality.

And you are the one that’s going to help make tantric sex a household word with this new book.

Yes, the household name of tantric sex where people say, “What is that?” And what’s really exciting to me about it is that over the 10 years I have been studying, practicing, teaching and helping people learn about tantric sex in groups and individually, is that Americans need to know that sex is not about performance. It isn’t about how long that man can last, although the tantric sex practice is exactly what teaches men to last for five hours or so, but it’s really about exchanging energy with your partner. Being able to feel very deep intimacy and feel the divinity within the other person going beyond the physical, not really looking at what the person looks at, worrying about what you look like, how many extra pounds you’ve put on or you’re having a very bad hair day or how you’re supposed to have the big “O” but rather through breathing practices and connecting with your partner; you reach not only higher states of bliss but also a higher state of consciousness. So it’s really quite a practice with some very simple things that every couple can do that can help them to really feel a deep intimacy.

These are the things that can keep that fire going, right?

Indeed that’s what keeps the fire going, when you feel a deeper intimacy and connection. For example, one of the very simple techniques is eye gazing. The couple sits opposite one another and looks in one another’s eyes. And after being a sex therapist for so many years, I must say that many people like to even close their eyes or they don’t really look at each other. They’re so far away emotionally from the experience. Even using the different words like “beloved” is very important. There are rituals in terms of setting up the love space to make it special that you’re not just dropping into bed but the couple has an intention for making it beautiful by lighting candles, by putting down scarves or making love in a different place in the house. So all of those rituals and even the ritual of intention before making love, stating what you would like to have happen, like stating appreciation for your partner, these are simple things that we should be doing in the West that really are a part of a love text that existed 5,000 years ago.

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