Reducing Holiday Stress

 by Donna May

Is the holiday season beginning to play havoc with your emotions? Do you find yourself feeling joyful one moment and stressed out the next? Or maybe your joy is “on hold” waiting for all those extra jobs like addressing cards, baking, shopping, decorating and wrapping to be completed. Then you can finally relax and enjoy the holidays!

Those who really love the holiday season are people who create pleasure along the way making joy a process rather than a destination. What if you made out your Christmas list while relaxing in a tub of warm water with holiday music softly playing in the background and a scented candle nearby? Instead of baking alone this year, why not try a holiday baking party or a cookie exchange?

When faced with a task, ask yourself, “How can I get this job done and enjoy the process?” Your mind may come up with some creative ideas that may surprise you. Once you’ve asked the question, your brain will begin searching for ways you can complete the job and have fun doing it. I personally find that listening to recordings of my favorite teachers in the Higher Consciousness movement can make even the most mundane tasks enjoyable. Some of my favorites are Abraham, Dr. Wayne Dyer and Louis Hay who also have articles in phenomeNEWS.

One way to avoid stress is to avoid “Isn’t it awful” statements. You hear other people saying, “Isn’t it awful to stand in these long lines.” “Isn’t it awful how crowded the stores are?” “Isn’t it awful how expensive things are?”

Assume an attitude of non-judgment. Focusing on how awful things are increases the level of stress. It’s not awful, it just is.

Another technique for alleviating stress is to avoid the word “should.” I once heard a speaker say, “Stop shoulding on yourself.” People increase their stress level by presenting themselves with a long list of things they should do and then reminding themselves of those “shoulds” throughout the day.” Shoulds” feel like heavy-duty responsibilities. “Coulds” present a choice. Try substituting the word “could.” I could wrap presents tonight rather than I should wrap presents tonight. Which feels lighter?

In an attempt to be more loving to others during the holiday season, it is easy to put aside our own feelings because we don’t want to “make waves.” This is particularly true when we haven’t seen people for awhile. When we suppress our feelings, however, we are not being very loving to ourselves. When feeling hurt or disappointed, we may tell ourselves, “It’s no big deal, just overlook it.” These unexpressed feelings, however, do accumulate and eventually we find ourselves overreacting to a situation. Those “stuffed feelings” eventually build up and create a land-mine. One young mother did not express her feelings whenever grandparents gave her baby sweets. She just swallowed her feelings in an attempt to maintain a harmonious atmosphere. One day the grandparents again offered the baby sweets. That caused the mother to react with anger leaving everyone wondering “What got into her?” It is best to stifle that spark before it becomes a bonfire.

It is possible to express feelings without diminishing the other people. This is done by using “I” statements. “I feel hurt, when I’m not included in the conversation.” “I feel I’m not respected when you feed the baby sweets knowing how I feel about that.” “I was disappointed that you couldn’t come to my party.” These statements are more effective when used in the context of a “whole message.”

A whole message contains four components:

1. What you are observing
2. Your thoughts
3. Your feelings
4. Your desired outcome.

Example:

Observation: I understand that you are trying to please the baby giving him something sweet.

Thoughts: I don’t think it’s good for the baby.

Feelings: I feel I’m not respected when you feed the baby sweets knowing how I feel about sweets.

Desired Result: I’d like you to show respect for my opinions and find other ways to please the baby besides offering him sweets.

By being assertive you teach other people how you wish to be treated. In the process you nurture yourself and you avoid stress. You also nurture your relationships by not allowing stored feelings to become resentments that can ultimately destroy relationships. During this holiday season stuff the turkey and the stockings but not your feelings. Have a wonderful holiday!

Donna May MA Ed, is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Stress Management, Pain Relief Specialist, practitioner of NLP, Reiki and Yuen Energetics. She utilizes spiritual principles and “A Course in Miracles” teachings. Available for classes, public presentations or private consultations. (248) 626-4859 or DonnaMay27@comcast.net.