THE HOLISTIC LAWYER

Do you remember your childhood birthdays? For most of us, birthdays were very special days, when we got a party just for us, complete with decorations, a cake and gifts. Holidays like Christmas or Hanukkah were special times too.

When we became adults, it often seemed that the party was over for us. Birthdays became non-events and Christmas became the time we went all out for our own kids.

There is nothing wrong with going all-out for someone else, but somehow the little kid in us feels neglected. At least, mine does.

I resolved the problem of being the only one with few gifts under the tree by making it an opportunity to give myself something really good. Problem solved. Now at every birthday or Christmastime, I make it a point to do something special for myself. I go to sleep that night feeling happy and content regardless of what anyone else has done or not done for me.

Some may think this is selfish. But I always remember what they tell you whenever you get on a plane: “If the cabin loses pressure, an oxygen mask will come out of the compartment above you. Please make sure to put on your own mask before attempting to assist anyone else.”

We can’t love anyone else well if we don’t take good care of ourselves.

So this Valentine’s Day, why not give a very special Valentine? A Valentine to you. What would you like to do this Valentine’s Day? Visit a spa? Receive a beautiful bouquet of flowers or maybe a nice piece of jewelry? Maybe a lovely card expressing appreciation for all the wonderful things you do would be enough. Don’t sit around hoping someone else will send it. Give it to yourself.

I remember reading Succulent Wild Woman by Sark. She suggested that before we marry anyone else, we make a vow to love, honor and cherish ourselves. She even suggested having a ceremony and giving ourselves a ring.

Sark also notes that people always expect you to be in couples. She laments, “No one ever asks, ‘How’s your love life… with yourself?’”

Of course all this goes against our puritanical upbringing that we should be doing things for others and not thinking of ourselves. We are taught that to be “good,” we must care about other people. But we need to remember that we’re a people too.

How can we possibly give to others from an empty well? I believe this is one reason why many relationships fail. Because we are taught that it’s “selfish” to think of ourselves, we do for others in the hope that they will validate us and tell us how good we are.

Meanwhile, they are doing for us and hoping we tell them how good they are. When our need for recognition is not met by our partner, we assume they are the wrong partner and go out looking for another.

I wonder what it would be like if all of us saw ourselves as magnificent creatures of Divine Light, whole and complete as we are? What if we chose to team up with someone else to make our lives even better, not as a desperate attempt to save ourselves from a loveless, empty existence?

I suggest that many of us are looking for love in all the wrong places. There is enough love inside each of us to heal the entire planet. Yet we walk around like beggars, asking for crumbs of appreciation from someone else.

Looking for love outside of ourselves is like sitting in a brightly lit room with our eyes shut, asking someone else to lead us out of the darkness. As Marianne Williamson once said, “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”
How true. And true as well that our playing small doesn’t serve others either. The world doesn’t need more people playing small. There is no way that I can acknowledge the greatness in you if I am playing “mini-me” with myself.

Let’s take a symbolic step towards recognizing our own importance this Valentine’s Day by doing something special for ourselves. Who cares what other people will say? For the past few years I have sent myself a huge bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day, with a card that says, “To my favorite person… I love you!” It makes me feel good and it pleases the inner child in me. If I get more bouquets, that’s fine too.

The more I acknowledge and nurture myself, the better able I am to appreciate the finer qualities in others whether they see my finer qualities or not. When we come from a place of wholeness rather than emptiness, we actually bring much more to others as well.

We live in a world of abundance. There is more than enough love, beauty, money and success for all of us. Let Cupid’s arrow hit you and cause your eyes to open. Begin to acknowledge all the good things you do. Treat yourself as someone you truly love. Mindful at all times that where your attention goes, energy flows and results will show, focus on the good things in your life and more will come.

I would love to hear stories of the nice things you do for yourself on Valentine’s Day. I’ve always enjoyed a good love story. Won’t you share yours? People are amazing and we each approach the same situation in our own unique way. How awesome it would be to hear how you made your Valentine’s Day special.

Affirmation: I love myself, I love others and others love me.

© 2006 Mindy L. Hitchcock. All Rights Reserved

Mindy L. Hitchcock is a family law attorney with 19 years experience. She is certified in collaborative law and the collaborative law team approach, a board member of the International Alliance of Holistic Lawyers (IAHL), member of the Collaborative Law Institute of Michigan and a member of the Human Rights Campaign. She is a writer and speaker and maintains two websites, LADY4JUSTICE PLLC, www.lady4justice.com and Mindy’s Access Power Center, www.mindyhitchcock.com. She can be reached at mlhitchcock@lady4justice.com.