It was a dark and stormy night, OK it wasn't really, but I have always loved that cheesey line. It was a dark and stormy morning, Stephen King dark and stormy. The sky was black, rain came down in blinding sheets and lightening was striking all around. Granted, when I had hopped in the car to run a few errands, it was overcast, but, this was a storm that turned day into night, as only a sudden summer storm can do. It was also the first day of Saturn in Leo. I was intent on getting more votive lights for our new baby drum, Hawk Willow Moon's, Naming Day. It was the day I nearly died, and amazed myself at the lessons it offered.

Now certainly, my angels have been on overtime for years. No doubt my best close call was the day that I blew up the oil furnace, while crawling inside it to hit the reset button, that a well intentioned friend had told be about. Evidently, when I hit the button the first time I didn't give the pilot light enough time to cook, so when I hit it the second time, fuel oil came gushing out as the first batch ignited. I remember the “whoosh” and the big square wad of flame that chased me outta the basement. I never thought I could move that quickly in reverse. Somehow I moved all of my florist supplies, dried flowers and spray cans “o” paint out of the way and made a hasty exit. When my daughters came home I was sitting on the couch kinda rocking and cuddling the fire extinguisher. They took one look at my blackened face and missing eyebrows and asked, “What happened?” I replied, “I fixed the furnace, (kinda like we fixed the cat). It'll never give us trouble again.” All in all the damage was minor. All of the ductwork ended up laying on the basement floor. My glasses melted. My widow's peak and eyebrows took about a year to grow back, but hey, we needed a new furnace anyway. I just sped up the process a tad. So segue to me shopping for our grand celebration.

It was an amazing “time is fluid” experience. I was approaching a very busy intersection when the nice “traffic and weather” fella said, “The weather is treacherous, do not leave home unless you have to.” I responded, “Too late now,” and the next thing I knew I was sliding under a pretty blue mustang. Once again my mouth gets me in deep yogurt. Here's where time went wonky. A 16-year-old on a 5-week-old driver's license had just made a left hand turn right under the sign that said, “No left hand turn.” I hit the brakes but there was neither time nor room to stop. I could easily see that in my little low car, I was headed for his gas tank. I made my peace. I took a right quick inventory of my life and gave thanks that, while I was not robed in glory, there sure coulda been some “way worser” times to die. I knew that at that moment I was doing my best to be a good person and not amass any more sticky karma. It's all in the timing. As I was getting really Zen and cozy with my last ride, I wondered if I would hear the “whoosh” (boy the furnace sure whooshed...) when I burst into flame. I remembered my dad saying, “You never hear the bullet that takes you out,” so I was thinking I probably wouldn't hear much after the impact. Lightening flashed, thunder roared and I thought, “How magical.” The music of the spheres began to play.

I heard Robbie Robinson singing, “This is a good day to die.”

“Crazy Horse was a mystic, he knew the secrets of the trance, and Sitting Bull a great apostle of the Ghost Dance.”

I started singing along, really getting into the rhythm. It figures, only a heartsong drummer would set their demise to music. As I slid under the pretty blue Mustang, I swear I could see the manes on the white horses moving in the lightening flashes. I opened my heart to love and prepared for my “come to Jesus” moment. I felt the Divine Light all around me. I closed my eyes and felt a gentle presence, and Yikes! Buddha was there.

He smiled his beautific smile and I said, “Holy S**t!” Then realizing that indeed a profanity would be my epitaph, I cringed a tad. Buddha smiled, then he laughed, a great big belly laugh. I heard the laughter of the FireBear AKA Barb Forbes booming from my back seat. Not a surprise that she was back there, since she had accompanied me in my rear view mirror, all the way to Wounded Knee, Spirit Mountain and back, mostly laughing at me when I got lost or couldn't find a loo for 500 miles. Holding back another huge laugh, she said to me, “When you send out a call to God, do you really care who picks up the phone ?” Heck no. I was just glad not to be on hold!

That's when the hand of God intervened. Luckily the fancy car I slid under was made of plastic. It crumpled like a ball of aluminum foil. “Lola” ( my perfect little car) and I slid into his wheel well, we missed the gas tank by inches. No whoosh, just crunch.
The scene after that was much to ugly to relive, especially when the cute and helpful cop told me it was unsafe to stand outside my car in such a fierce storm. My only response was, “Officer look at me, I am all muddy and bloody. Better I should be struck by lightening than muck up the leather upholstery in a Benz, Geez.”

For years I have had hospice patients who beamed back from the other side of the veil to tell me its a “chicken and eggshell thing” when the Spirit leaves the body. I had to truly live it, to feel that truth. At our beloved Unity Church we teach that there is no Hell. Hell is what we do to ourselves, when we lose our connection with the Divine. Beyond this there is Heaven or Heaven, No Eternal Smoking Section.

After the impact, I sent up a most reverent prayer of thanksgiving that I hadn't hurt anyone. It could have been so much worse. My once perfect little car will be healed in time. The ever so young driver had lied to the police and had zero insurance. When I did my day in Purgatory, talking to insurance folks and such, I was informed that his parents had no insurance as well. Boy, talk about Saturn in Leo, if we want our children to find their values, we must first do it ourselves. I pray they realize how their behavior effects his. Children learn what they live.

So it's patience lessons via Saturn in Leo... only 2-1/2 years. Sheesh.

And in the interim, I'll hang on to my Zen place. After being raised by a true Aquarian, who had me schooled as a Catholic, Methodist, Greek Orthodox, verrry Reform Jew, Spiritualist, Wiccan, Shamanic, Temple of the B'Hai; “When you are old enough, you will find your path to God.” It appears I am now a Born Again Buddhist with a Medicine Woman right over my shoulder. It's all God, it's all good!

Rev. Linda Newman is a third generation astrologer, mystic student, and holistic wellness practitioner. She has a private practice in Birmingham, Michigan and tours with the MotherPeace Drum Group. (248) 546-9740.