Dear Louise,

I’ve been reading your column for a while now and I feel that you could help me with my problem. I don’t know where to start. I have thinning hair as well as body hair, which is all I think about all day – it’s preventing me from living a normal life or having a relationship.

I’ve been to the doctor and been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) – doctors say it has to do with insulin resistance. I’d like to know if this condition is something I caused by the way I view myself or is it just a heredity condition (my Dad’s family has a history of diabetes and my grandmother and aunt had severe hair thinning/loss). If you could shed a little light on my condition/situation, I’d be forever grateful.

P.D., New York

Dear P.D.,

First of all, stop thinking about it all the time. Obsessive thinking just makes the pattern stronger. The only thing preventing you from having a normal life or a relationship is your own thinking. The way you choose to view yourself has a lot to do with how much you’re suffering.

A history of diabetes in the family means that the whole family has poor eating habits. Extreme hair loss is often aggravated by a diet of excessive salt and sugar with too little protein. More fish and green vegetables could balance your whole system.

When we’re tense and afraid, we often create those bands of steel that originate in the shoulder muscles and come up over the top of the head. Tell your scalp to relax right now. If you notice that your scalp visibly relaxes, then I suggest that you relax your scalp often. A good scalp massage morning and evening will stimulate circulation.

Your lesson is to love yourself exactly as you are right now. Think of this condition as temporary. In your mind, allow it to go back to the nothingness from whence it came. You’re not your family, nor do you need to think or eat the way they do. Go to a good nutritionist and learn healthier eating habits. There’s so much you can do for yourself. Don’t waste your thoughts bemoaning your fate. Affirm: I can heal myself and I will! (You might also want to get the book The PCOS Protection Plan, published by Hay House.)

Dear Louise,

Recently my mother died at the age of 50 leaving me, a 22-year-old male and my sister, 16 behind. My sister is now going to live with my aunt and uncle and I will live on my own. I’ve experienced her death differently when I look at my family. I feel loss, but am not depressed, angry or sad. I know that my mother wants me to be happy. I’m sometimes scared, though, when it comes to relationships. I have a desire to live with a girlfriend, but my fear is that I’ll do that out of fear of being alone and less about love. I don’t know what’s right anymore in this regard. I experience great feelings of autonomy and independence and now I feel this even stronger. It’s like a clash. I want to live with someone I love, yet I also value my own life very much. What would you advise?

A.D., the Netherlands

Dear A.D.,

For the time being, I suggest you do nothing. Allow yourself to go through the grieving period in your own way. Know and affirm that life loves you and has your best interest in mind. Yes, your mother wants you to be happy, so talk to her and ask her to help you with your decisions.

Dear Louise,

I want to be a successful writer like you. How do I begin? Where do I start?

A.G., Los Angeles

Dear A.G.,

What are you passionate about? What kind of books do you want to write? Who do you see as your audience? Are you thinking of writing self-help books? Are you a public speaker? There are so many questions to ask you. To begin, you must start to write. After you’ve written something, you can then look for a publisher. Go to a library or bookstore and get a book called The Writer’s Market. It will tell you which publishers would be interested in the sort of material you’ve written and which require an agent.

For my own story, I was teaching classes and wanted to reach more people, so I put my workshop on paper in form of a book. I didn’t go to a publisher because I didn’t believe they would allow me to tell my story in my own way. So I printed my own book and then just sold them to my various students. It was a very slow beginning. Then life decided that the book needed a wider audience. Good luck to you!

Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the best-selling author of numerous books, including “You Can Heal Your Life,” “Empowering Women” and “I Can Do It®”. If you have questions for Louise Write to: Dear Louise Column, c/o Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100 (letters may be edited for length and clarity). Due to the volume of e-mails Louise receives, she can no longer respond via the Internet. Visit Louise and Hay House at: www.LouiseHay.com or www.hayhouse.com ®.