Flowing With Change

Two months ago when my dear friend Diane left this earth plane so unexpectedly, it reminded me of the unpredictability and impermanence of this Universe. Most of us journey through each day looking for stability in the form of “sameness” – something with which we are familiar that somehow makes life seem less frightening. And yet, as I have been told many times, the only thing we can ever be sure of in life is “change.”

Change is one of the greatest challenges of life. It “pulls the carpet from under us.” It appears to undo all we have accomplished and it looms ahead of us as an unknown and unexplored terrain, causing confusion and feelings of loss. And yet we have all been there over and over again, because evolution is forever with us and this evolution of body, mind and spirit carries with it the concept of change.

Some change is intrinsically exciting, like moving from one region to another or buying a new house, taking a new job or beginning a fresh endeavor. Although there may be some trepidation about the change, there is already “adventure” built in. The changes that are most difficult are the unanticipated, sudden or surprising ones which catch us off-guard, causing a great deal of shock, grief or loss. It is at these moments that we falter and often feel desolation, desertion, anger, depression or extreme anxiety, in addition to the “normal” response of mild nervousness or agitation.

Such was the case when my friend Diane transitioned and such was the case when 10 years ago, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer and died four months later. During the first periods of grief, shock and distress, everything in my world felt surreal. It was as if I was in a cocoon watching the world go by, but not really participating. In retrospect, I do believe that the human psyche needs to form a shell to insulate it while it attempts to make sense of what has happened. If we fight this, we tend to struggle more. If we can accept this as a natural part of existence, wrestling with the situation lightens.

How difficult it is to accept and endure harsh feelings. And yet, I’ve learned many times over that I, as a human being, have and always will possess emotions – the adverse ones as well as enjoyable ones. After years of working with clients as well as myself, I can see now that the Universe is absolutely impeccable in its choice of life circumstances. The changes that occur because of these happenings are essential to our well being as a soul – to the path that we’ve chosen as a soul. Through acceptance it is possible for us to become wiser, more conscious, more thankful, more compassionate and more peaceful. When we are resistant, the road to all these attributes becomes longer and more arduous. It’s as if the Universe is saying to us, “I really do know best. Trust me.”

That’s the hard part. How can we be sure that what’s occurring is for our highest good? How can we trust when this Universal energy is invisible and inaudible? Even if we think we “see” or “hear” something, how can we be sure that it’s correct for us? The reason we can be certain that the Universe is on “our” side is that in every ancient spiritual/metaphysical text, as well as deep down inside of each of us, is the knowledge that the Cosmos is a loving force, always reaching out to help us in ways that we often do not understand at the time. I see the Universal Force much like a loving, compassionate, kind and tender parent, raising us in the most “functional” way possible. The Universe wants us to be happy more than anything and will do anything and everything to make that happen. Fortunately, this includes all kinds of events which cause us to make changes in our lives for the better. When we accept these circumstances through our faith, our parent reminds us that we are on the right track by guiding us gently through and lightening our load. When we resist, our parent steps back and allows us to suffer until we wake up to our true nature which is peaceful, safe and harmonious.

Diane Michele’s death caused change in the lives of all of us who knew her. First there was shock, perhaps anger, certainly grief and sadness. But in my mind, I knew that this had to be perfect for each one of us. Life doesn’t lie. There had to be something for each of us to learn from this – changes to be made in the way we viewed this circumstance, in the way we perceived Diane’s son, in the way we looked at the prosecutors and the defense attorneys and in the way we see death itself. For each of us there were different lessons, but the possibilities of growing stronger, more insightful, more empathetic and forgiving lie within reach of everyone. Isn’t that the purpose of evolution – to move us to more God-like behavior and toward the ultimate prize – that of peace of mind?

Someone once told me that out of confusion comes clarity. I believe that sudden, shocking or surprising events initially cause confusion and anxiety often stems from this confusion. But confusion causes us to reach for answers and stretch in unfamiliar directions until we find the satisfying solutions we’re looking for. How often have we told ourselves (or others) that if a certain situation hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t have read “this book” or taken “that class” or sought out “this person” etc.? How many of us have been laid off from a job or suddenly lost a loved one or gone through a divorce? How many of us, in retrospect, have ultimately realized the incredible growth that came from this difficult condition in our life?

It seems to me that the trick is to keep this in mind whenever something arises that threatens to throw us off balance or “pull the rug out from under us.” Our choice is to accept or to resist. We all know what resistance feels like. And we know that it doesn’t work to bring about the peacefulness that we long for. Maybe we’ve lost our faith and we can’t see the goodness of the Universe. That’s all the more reason to experiment with acceptance. We’re not used to accepting.

At times it seems so unfamiliar and yet if we allow ourselves to surrender completely to the will of the Universe, we can find our way through the dark night into the bright light of Universal comfort, support, safety and peace.

Change is a given in this life. Flowing with change is easier than we may believe. But we must be conscious about what we’re thinking and how we may be resisting what is natural in this world. Acceptance of change requires less effort because through acceptance, we’re finally in alignment with Universal purpose. When we surrender our circumstances to Universal will, we are kindly provided with exactly what we need to become a happier person – more fulfilled, balanced and compassionate. The perfect teacher, reading material or opportunity appears for us to move forward into our best self, “the new, improved version,” which is more at ease and more the master of life.

Laurie Pappas PhD is the Executive Director and co-Founder of the Metro Detroit Center for Attitudinal Healing and a Spiritual Psychotherapist in Private Practice. She can be reached at (248) 626-2312 or Lpapp3369@aol.com.