From Guilt To Forgiveness
by Donna May
Are you beating yourself
up and feeling guilty about something you’ve done or said? Is guilt
robbing you of your peace of mind?
In its purest sense, the
feeling that we know as guilt is a messenger that tells us that we have
violated our own standards. Through our conscience, it provides feedback
about the effects of hurtful actions. It delivers the message that
something about our behavior was inappropriate. Used in this way, guilt
is our teacher. It is meant to get our attention so we can change
negative behaviors. It gives us the opportunity to correct our mistakes,
to make amends and to learn from our errors. Guilt used in this way is
healthy. Guilt becomes unhealthy when it keeps us imprisoned with
feelings of self-incrimination.
Holding on to guilt
creates a self-made prison that prevents us from moving on with our
life. It keeps us focused on blame and angry feelings toward ourselves
or others. Holding on to such emotions is a decision to suffer. By
re-running the same old movies and tapes again and again we keep the
past alive and instead of feeling bad just once when the event happened,
we feel bad each time we review that past scene. Fortunately there are
ways to change those mental pictures and dialogues to help us alter our
perceptions. A change in perception can free us from this repetitive
pattern and give us the blessing of inner peace. When we feel guilty,
there is no peace.
Unhealthy guilt also
compromises our self-esteem and makes us feel unworthy of having what we
truly want in life. Guilt may lead to self-sabotage as a way of
punishing ourselves. In her book, Heal Your Body, Louise Hay says that
guilt always seeks punishment. To release guilt she suggests repeating
the affirmation: “I lovingly release the past. They are free and I am
free. All is well in my heart now.”
Dr. Gerald Jampolsky
states in his book Good-bye to Guilt “There is only one known antidote
for guilt: complete forgiveness, starting with oneself and extending to
everyone who shares the world with us.” He suggests visualizing yourself
and others who you have not forgiven walking into universal light and
becoming that light as you say to yourself: “I forgive you and me – both
one and the same. Now I can say good-bye to guilt and blame.”
In her book Guilt Is the
Teacher, Love Is the Lesson, Joan Borysenko sites six steps that can
move us from guilt to forgiveness.
“The steps in forgiving
others parallel those of forgiving ourselves:
• Recognizing that we are responsible for what we are holding on to.
• Confessing our story to ourselves, another person and God.
• Looking for the good points in our self and the other person.
• Considering whether any specific action needs to be taken.
• Looking to God for help.
• Reflecting on what we have learned.”
Often we are hardest on
ourselves. We think “if only I had done that or if only I had not done
that, then...” Such thinking is useless, since we cannot change what has
already taken place. We can, however, learn from our mistakes, so we
don’t repeat them. We can focus on doing our best now, but also realize
that we are not perfect. We will make mistakes again and that’s OK. We
must also give others a little “slack” as well when they make mistakes
or do not live up to our expectations. One of the best questions we can
ask ourselves is, “How would I need to look at this to feel differently?
How do I want to feel?” By being willing to see things differently, we
can let go of guilt and enjoy life more.
Donna May MA Ed, is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Stress
Management, Pain Relief Specialist, practitioner of NLP, Reiki and Yuen
Energetics. She utilizes spiritual principles and “A Course in Miracles”
teachings. Available for classes, public presentations or private
consultations. (248) 626-4859 or
DonnaMay27@comcast.net.
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