THE HEART OF LOVE
Championship Love vs. Self Hate

 by Scott and Shannon Peck

This is not something we readily admit, but consider this. When was the last time you judged yourself with strong criticism, told yourself that you weren’t adequate or loveable or that you were stupid? When was the last time you wouldn’t let yourself off the hook for something you did that you regretted doing? We rarely call it self hate, but isn’t this what it really is?

Few of us were ever taught how to really love ourselves or to treat ourselves as our own very best friend. Socially, we’re not taught the value of loving ourselves. Yet, who better than you is more qualified to give you consistent, rich love?

We’re not talking about faking it by pretending you think you’re great when you really don’t believe it or having a multi-level defense system to protect your fragile feelings. We’re talking about learned self-love skills that are available to everyone. By practicing these simple love skills you can forever disallow self hate from returning. You can be large and in charge.

You deserve to be loved and not only by yourself but by others as well. How can you do that? You can cherish your dreams, receive love generously, create sacred time alone, honor and speak your feelings, be visible, set boundaries and forgive yourself. This is a powerful beginning towards loving yourself and you can practice these love skills every day.

And you can go even higher. You can deliberately block any and all hateful thoughts and attitudes (whether directed from yourself or another) and you can welcome all loving thoughts and attitudes. Now you’re opening the channels for love to flow.
We were inspired recently by a TV dance contest, Dancing with the Stars. We were interested to track the rapid progress of the amateur participant’s ability to learn the steps and moves by their powerful attitude of “I am worthy. I can do this. I want to win!” This is what we mean by championship love vs. self hate.

All the contestants went through enormous stress of hard and long hours working every day to learn their dances. Each of them had it equally difficult. Many of them were shown breaking down in tears and walking away, later to return to rehearse more. It’s smart and sometimes helpful to give ourselves time out in order to calm down.

One amateur dancer, who was a professional athlete, was especially impressive in expressing championship love for herself during a very rough period of practicing with her partner. Tensions became high. Her instructor even began to blame her and lay the entire burden of their stress on her inability to learn fast enough. This was a time his student, the amateur dancer, could actually have been greatly benefited by encouragement and even comfort. Everyone could readily relate to her being criticized and the hurt feelings that immediately erupted.

She responded to the criticism by telling her instructor in a kind yet firm way, that she did not want to waste her time on arguing. She asked him to please continue to stay focused on teaching her and deal with his inner frustration without projecting it on her. It was brilliant! Rather than lashing back at him, she showed her inner self respect and her championship abilities to override and overcome the negative influence of being blamed and overly criticized. What a great example of practicing championship love.

If she had reacted, both tempers would have become inflamed and an argument would have escalated. By speaking up early in the situation, she not only set the curve toward harmony and unity, but her actions were also powerful with love, for herself as well as her dance partner. We quickly realized how deeply ingrained were her habits of positive thought towards herself and her unwillingness to dive emotionally. What strength!

This is a beautiful example of the power of loving ourselves. She gave herself nothing to regret later – no shame and nothing to apologize for. Her attitude to have harmony with her dance partner was essential to her goal of wining the contest. Love is expressed through such powerful harmony.

Each of us has times of great stress and frustration, even what feels almost unbearable. At these times, we can minimize the fallout with love by remembering that we are a precious treasure and so is everyone else. Each of us deserves to love ourselves and be loved. And during those times that we blow it, we can still love ourselves by offering self forgiveness, rather than self hate.

Each of us has the capacity to be wonderful to ourselves. Imagine a world full of people who were good at offering themselves abundant love. Each one would finally have a chance to shine past the anguish of lost opportunities and time to recuperate. Each of us could actually consider reaching our fullest potential through the power of stopping self hate and starting self love. Welcome to the heart of championship love.

© 2007 Scott & Shannon Peck

Dr. Scott Peck & Shannon Peck are co-founders of TheLoveCenter, a non-profit organization “Calling everyone home to Love.” They are authors of books on love and healing, including “Love Skills for Personal & Global Transformation: Secrets of a Love Master.” Visit www.TheLoveCenter.com. We are holding the space for you to receive all the love you deserve!