We live in a rapidly changing world, a time of constant and unexpected change. The pace of change seems to be accelerating. Eighty percent of technological changes have occurred in the last 20 years. Some of these changes have relieved some of the stress in our lives, but may also have created new stresses. Computers are wonderful, but certainly can create stress when they don’t work. Can you go anywhere today without seeing someone on a cell phone? While cell phones are great advances that provide immediate connections between people, they can also disrupt our quiet moments.

Not only are major changes occurring in our country and in the world, but most of us are also dealing with changes in our personal world. Our bodies have been changing since the moment of conception. We experience changes in our relationships as people enter and leave our lives. We may experience changes in our health or in our work situations. The kinds of change occurring at any given moment are too numerous to list. We should be accustomed to change, because change is the only constant in life. Yet, change can be threatening and may trigger our worst fears. There are, of course, some changes that are welcome and exhilarating. All of us have probably experienced a change that seemed negative and yet, later we discovered it was a blessing in disguise. Change often represents both loss and gain. We lose something, but we gain something else.

Change can be stressful, but our thoughts about the changes determine the level of stress we experience. If we keep asking, “Why did this happen?” we stay stuck in the problem. If we can step back and attempt to see things from a higher perspective, we can begin to see that the change may have some benefits for us. Sometimes by closing one door, we open up new possibilities. Change can be an adventure that leads to new growth and wisdom. Good questions to ask ourselves are: What could be good about this change? How could I look at this situation, so I can feel comfortable about it? How would I need to look at this to feel better? An optimist views events in life as temporary, one-time and situational. A pessimist views events in life as permanent, pervasive and personal.

Before we are able to accept a change, we often go through four phases.

In the first phase, we may experience denial. There may be a lack of a reaction. We may withdraw and focus on the past. We just want things back to how they were, which, of course, cannot be. In the second phase, we may experience resistance in which strong feelings about the change emerge. We may be angry, anxious and prone to blaming others. We may feel apathetic or depressed. In the third stage, which is exploration, we may feel confused and lack focus but we begin to explore possibilities and to visualize the effects of the change on our future. In the fourth stage there is acceptance. Now, we adjust, focus, cooperate, go into action and begin to make long range plans. We also anticipate our next challenge.

We can’t keep change from happening. We can, however, become more stress hardy. Stress hardy people have the following attributes:

Control: They are proactive. They believe they can make a difference, that they have some control. They don’t get stuck in the “blame game.”

Commitment: They believe they are where they need to be, that all is in divine order. They make the most of situations. They stick to their decisions. They are committed to self, work, family and other important values.

Challenge: People who are strong to stress see setbacks as problems that can be solved. Losses are challenges.

If you are dealing with some major change in your life, be gentle with yourself. Take time to regenerate and adjust rather than acting abruptly and creating even more stress. Maintain an oasis of stability in some areas of your life. Keep up your routines. Know that what you are experiencing is normal and that you may need to grieve your loss, before you can explore future benefits or possibilities. Look for support. Ask the help of those who have been through it before. Pray and meditate as you search for meaning and self awareness. Remind yourself that “this too shall pass.” Take time to learn, reevaluate, clarify your purpose and set new goals. Be willing to flow with the necessary change.

Donna May MA Ed, is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Stress Management and Pain Relief Specialist and a practitioner of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), Reiki and Yuen Energetics. She utilizes A Course in Miracles teachings in her counseling. She is available for classes, public presentations or private consultations. Donna can be reached at (248) 626-4859 or via email at: DonnMay27@comcast.net.