ON THE PATH...
thoughts along the way

She’s so big hearted
But not so remarkable
Just an ordinary humble girl
Expecting nothing as we’re made to think
It’s a pretty person’s world

Jason Mraz, song written
for Ugly Betty
 

Many years ago, when I was a young girl of thirteen years old, a good friend of mine, Sharon, and I were playing at her house. We were acting like we were actresses. Her parents and several relatives were in the other room playing cards. Some had been drinking. As we continued playing actresses, her Uncle Wally staggered into the living room. He looked at Sharon and loudly stated, “You are the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen in my life.” Sharon was devastated. Uncle Wally fell against the couch and passed out. Sharon began crying uncontrollably because was so hurt by his words. I felt her pain. We stopped our playing. She had put an emphasis on what he said because she had loved her Uncle Wally. Sharon is now an adult and still can’t shake those hurting words that were said to her so many years ago. “He must have thought it or he wouldn’t have said it,” she told me. Sharon wasn’t ugly, yet she believed his words. Uncle Wally died ten years ago and Sharon still holds on to that deep hurt.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson

The new sit-com Ugly Betty is a big hit. When I first heard the name of it, I didn’t like it. There is so much name calling and criticism in the world that we don’t need a TV series reflecting this back to us, I thought.

Ugly Betty (played by America Ferrera) is sweet, intelligent and hard working with lots of enthusiasm and bright ideas. Betty is a slightly plump, plain Jane from Queens, NY working in a modeling agency in the fashion industry.

For so many years we have been dictated to by the superficial world of high fashion where image is everything! Fashion magazines have super thin models displaying how we should look and dress. The pretty and thin people are focused on.

The times, they are a’changing...

Some people are born with physical features that are generally considered to be more appealing or beautiful than average. Some are more athletic or intelligent. What is important and appealing is not what the package looks like but what is inside the person. What the person is made up of is their honesty, sincerity and genuine caring. Ugly Betty focuses on the attributes that she has to offer, not on her physical looks. She comes across as beautiful with her willingness to help others as she flashes her bright smile. She is real and others respond to her authenticity.

If we aren’t being “real” in our lives, how can we nurture that in ourselves?

We can acknowledge our strengths and attributes by journaling them. Writing down all the good things we do each day builds on the next day and helps to make us feel good. We can even give ourselves a star for the things we accomplish. We can also create a gratitude journal and write down all the things we are grateful for including our looks; our eyes, nose, body, etc. Everything we are grateful for each day frees our spirit to allow more goodness in. We are all unique, every one of us is special. Betty is unique in her own way. She won’t let what anyone says about her influence her positive sense of self.

We can make a commitment to build our self esteem by surrounding ourselves with positive people and things. We can work to eliminate the negative things blocking us by taking classes, reading books, getting counseling or coaching sessions, and engaging in other life-affirming activities. When we reach out to others in kindness and genuine concern, we give back to ourselves.

We can be our own judge. We know ourselves better than others know us. It is up to us to live up to our own self worth.

The lyrics written for the theme song of the show sum it up nicely.

But you are beautiful
And you better go show it
So go look again
You gotta be true to your own
If you really wanna go to the top
Do you really wanna win
Don’t believe in leaving normal
Just to satisfy demand

Jason Mraz
 

As for my friend Sharon, she is beginning to open up to the inner (and outer) beauty that she truly is. She has confronted her limitations and old beliefs realizing that they no longer serve her.

Her “real” beautiful self is emerging... it’s been there all along. I told her that she is opening up like a beautiful rose.
What makes a person beautiful is what comes from within.

Gerri Magee is director of advertising and public relations and assistant to the editor of phenomeNEWS. She continues to share her thoughts “On The Path” in this column. She can be reached at gerri@phenomenews.com.