Often, we get calls from folks with problems that are not the easiest to treat.

Take the other day, for instance. I talked with the mother of a little guy who was being worked up for ADHD. That’s one of the labels they put on kids who act out in school and don’t fit into little boxes… or even big ones often.

This lad had started being disruptive in class, putting his snack on the floor and stepping on it, pushing another child. He is five.

In talking with the mother, he’s also having trouble sleeping and is often anxious.

Sounds like the kid needs meds, right? Wrong! Maybe when he’s older if we can’t help him be comfortable in his skin right now, but a five-year-old probably doesn’t need them now.

Let’s look at what’s going on in Adam’s life. (not his real name.)

Adam is used to structure in his life. For many, structure means safe rules to live by. When there is structure, he feels reassured that things are stable. He’s confident – at some level – that if he follows the rules everything will be OK.

Well, at school, Adam was allowed to break the rules and there was no repercussion. When he purposefully dropped his Cheerios on the floor and stepped on them, nothing happened. At some level of his mind, that meant that no one cared what he did. There were no controls. Kids need consistent structure in their lives.

It’s a funny thing about control. What we find out is that most or all issues of control are linked to issues of abandonment.

We must stay in control so we are not abandoned again.

We need to control as much as we can so we are not left alone, again.

We see it all of the time. Often it reflects back to things that happened as a child – or before.

It is evident in domestic discord or abuse. “I will monitor everything you do and control it so I can control you. I will do what I need to with my words or my physical strength to make sure you stay with me. If I can just get you to do what I want, Then you won’t leave me like ___ did.”

Let’s get back to Adam. Was he abandoned as a child? Actually, he was. His birth mother gave him up for adoption when she couldn’t care for him.

“How does he know? He was just a baby.”

True, but babies know. It’s not just when they are adopted, as Adam was placed into a loving, caring home. He would not be alive today probably, if he had not been. But that doesn’t matter now. What about the rest of us who are not adopted?

Little ones can feel abandoned when a special grandma dies or parents get divorced or a sibling or a family pet disappears and is seen no more. We can’t protect ourselves from life.

As healers and therapists we find is that we repeat our patterns over and over and over until we get to the core.

If we were abandoned early, we may do everything – at an other than conscious level – to make it happen again, just to show how unworthy we really are.

Just as a child will keep pushing an issue until, as adults, we step in and say, “No. No matter what you do I am still going to love you. You will not be left alone. I’m here for you. You are safe.”

For ourselves, we need to look at the issue if we are feeling controlled or are trying to control someone. Again, it all comes down to a fear of abandonment. If I’m miserable enough to you, I know that you’ll leave me like everyone does... or we may just feel sad and depressed. We humans have oh so many ways to cope.

Sometimes there is an even greater situation involved. As we do some advanced energy work to get at the very core of what’s going on with people, we sometimes have to travel (psychically) a long way back in time to get at the problem’s beginning.

With Adam, we went to the first time he felt abandoned. It was many existences ago. He was running, trying to catch up before everyone left. He didn’t make it.

That little soul felt abandoned by God and everyone else. He has spent his time since then in so many lifetimes recreating that same scenario as it is one of his major lessons to learn in this lifetime.

For Adam, I was able to clear those feelings at that time. I’ll watch his behaviors now to see how they change to determine what else we can do to help. There is more work to do. Yes, his parents will continue to limit his sugar, help the school system maintain a caring structure and allow him more control in his life so that he can feel safe.

Are all cases of ADD and ADHD this clear cut? I have no idea. Probably not. But, what if we could help these kids regain control of themselves without medication.

From what I’ve heard about kids acting out or what I’ve seen on TV, I can see why the thought of abandonment seems like a good option when everything you try doesn’t work.

Forgetting the kids, what about you? Do you recognize yourself trying to control or be controlled by another? What’s the real issue behind the actions?

If it’s a personal situation, can you approach this person and let them know you are not leaving them? That you are and will be there for them?

If it’s a boss at work, would it help to know that she/he is just acting out his or her childhood abandonment issues? Could you just surround them in light and perhaps pray for them? May seem far out, but what you’re doing right now doesn’t seem to be working. Remember, we’re all in this together to help one another. Perhaps, as you work on your own abandonment issues, you will no longer need to draw them to you.

Good luck. We hold the light for you and see you safe and free.

Having said all of that, know that this is one approach to the situation. There is much research being done. Visit the web at BrainPlace.com. It tells you much and has a self scoring test to help determine whether one is truly ADD or ADHD and what the different medications can do… and what else can be done.

Kathy Sinnett, RN is a Certified Holistic Nurse, Certified Healing Touch Practitioner and Instructor. She is available for holistic treatment of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual challenges through traditional and nontraditional means, (248) 681-6220.