Many of us were taught to love with conditions. If you loved me you would not mind jumping through these 12 rings of fire. If you can only love someone as long as you can control them… you are not in love you are in “fear.” What we call love is often manipulation.

In our process of healing we learn to give ourselves the unconditional love we didn’t get from our parents or former lovers and/or friends. We allow the source to re-parent us and we are born again “inside of the Love of Source.”

Conscious loving is about the practice of giving love to the wounded parts of ourselves. First we must recognize the places where we are wounded. As we reveal these wounded places to Spirit and ask for a miracle; in time, we get a sense of how worthy we really are. And in a short time our worth is not based on how “others” respond to us. Oh how liberating this is. We then begin to value ourselves as we are. No one can do this for us. We are loveable as we are.

Esther and Jerry Hicks, in Ask And It Is Given say, “You are an extension of Source energy. You and that which you call Source are the same. You cannot be separated from Source. Source is never separated from you. When we think of you, we think of Source. When we think of Source, we think of you.” It’s not God and you, it’s God as you! No separation, get it?

Principle 33 from ACIM, Chapter 1... “Miracles honor you because you are lovable. They dispel illusions about yourself and perceive the light in you.” If you just have a little willingness, Spirit will turn the light on within you and show who you really are. You are a “love” child, made out of love, you are lovable. You are worthy just because of the stuff that you are made out of. You are worthy. Affirm it often,

“I am worthy! I am enough. I am complete and I am whole”

In Paul Ferrini’s book, Love Without Conditions he says, “Awakening from abuse means rejecting the illusion that you are not lovable as you are. You demonstrate love by giving it unconditionally to yourself. And, as you, you attract others into your life who are able to love you without conditions. Your attempt to find love outside yourself always fails, because you cannot receive from another something you haven’t given to yourself.” Life is vibration and energy. You must give to yourself what you’d like to see mirrored back to you in the form of another.

Marianne Williamson says in her book A Return To Love, “We don’t have to remind God that we’d like wonderful relationships. God is clear about that. ACIM teaches us that desire is a prayer. The most enlightened prayer isn’t ‘Dear God, send me someone wonderful, but, Dear God, help me realize that I am someone wonderful."

Conscious lovers have learned to “be with themselves.” To everything there is a season and there are seasons when you are given this delicious opportunity to be with yourself to learn to enjoy your own company and accept yourself more deeply. If your lover rejects you, you won’t stay at the pity party long or bury yourself in the search for a replacement. Love is everywhere. Love is the highest energy known to humanity. Love and life itself are one.

ACIM would say that we do not have to seek love; what we have to do is to remove blocks to the awareness of love’s existence. We have to dismantle the blocks we have built against love. If you aren’t feeling loved ask your self, “How do I withhold love from myself.” I withheld love from myself each day, week or month I didn’t make exercising a priority for “my” very life. Every time I set up my time to be so packed that I had not carved out time to obtain foods that were going to renew my cells, I was withholding love from myself. Each time I said yes when my soul was screaming no I was withholding love from me. To stay loving with one another we must stay loving with ourselves. As conscious lovers we must come out of victim consciousness. There are no victims only volunteers. The old way of blaming others or yourself is not the way of “conscious” lovers.

The ability to love ourselves even when we make mistakes is important. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes help you grow. ACIM says, “Forgiveness is the only sane response.” Flood your mind with thoughts of forgiveness for yourself and for all others. Forgiveness restores us back to wholeness.

“When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him/her you will find yourself or lose yourself.”

Shaheerah Stephens is Author of the Wealth of A Spiritual Woman and the Spiritual Leader at Transforming Love Community. She leads retreats, workshops and seminars and is available for speaking engagements. She can be reached via email at Shaheerah1@aol.com or call (313) 270-2325.