About a year ago, I was asked to perform jury duty in the City of San Luis Obispo, CA. Now, for those of us on a spiritual pilgrimage, jury duty can be an interesting phenomenon. As spiritual pilgrims, we’re taught to drop judgment, remain open-minded and look for the light in each other. We’re shown that even when someone appears to be coming from the most negative place possible, they are coming from fear. So it was no coincidence that on the first day I was to appear, my workbook lesson in A Course in Miracles read, “Forgiveness is the key to happiness.” Later that same morning, I was asked, “How would you feel if the verdict is guilty and the person is sentenced to prison?” Wanting to come from my deepest truth, yet appear sane in mainstream terms, I replied, “I’ve been facilitating A Course in Miracles for many years and continue to do so at the Unity Church in San Luis Obispo, so quite frankly, I truly believe that forgiveness is the key to happiness.” Immediately I heard, “We won’t be needing you, you may go home now.” Yippee for me! The verdict was in and I was thrilled for the last thing I wanted to do was watch a trial of “attack and defend” take place.

We live in a “need-to-defend-ourselves” world. Everywhere you look, you will see people trying to defend themselves, not realizing that all defensiveness stems from fear. The cycle of defense is both an interesting and insidious one. Every time you defend yourself, three things occur:

1) You affirm that the attack (or perceived criticism) is real;

2) You increase the separation between yourself and the other;

3) You heighten the level of fear.

Defensiveness is weak because it attests to feeling powerless and like a victim. Defenselessness, however, is strong, because it attests to the truth, to the love that you are. When you align your thoughts with love and truth, there’s nothing to defend. While talking about this subject at a workshop, a participant raised her hand and asked, “But what if someone is really verbally attacking you. What is a person supposed to do?” My response was, “If your mind is aligned with Truth, you will see everything as either an extension of love or a call for love. Anytime someone is criticizing you, they are coming from fear. And, as distorted as that may appear, the truth is, in their own way they’re calling out for love to the best of their ability. So how does defending yourself help the situation? It doesn’t. It just adds more fear and separation between you and them.”

Years ago, I remember attending a lecture of Marianne Williamson’s where she shared a story about being defensive. The media had interviewed some people that knew her and three said some things that she perceived as being negative. She confronted two of the three and asked why they had said what they did. Guess what happened? It fueled their fire and they said more negative things. Before contacting the third person, she read a workbook lesson in A Course in Miracles titled, “In my defenselessness my safety lies.” Upon reflection, she decided not to contact the third person. Guess what happened? No more negative comments. By dropping her own defenses, she avoided putting the other person on the defensive, which stopped the cycle of “attack-defense-attack” from being alive and well.

Your safety and your strength always resides in your defenselessness. Defenses tear away at the fabric of our relationships. They are always based on fear, the belief that we are separate from one another and that something outside ourselves has the power to hurt us. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Love, on the other hand, recognizes that we’re all one. Love knows that fear isn’t real and cannot harm us in anyway. So the next time you’re tempted to become defensive, pause and ask yourself, “What am I upset about? Is there something the other person is saying that I believe is true? What am I about to defend and why?” As you drop your defenses, the entire dynamic of your relationships will begin to change. The energy between you and another will soften, creating an open space for your hearts to expand and receive. Love needs no defense. When you recognize that you are love and so is everyone else, then there’s nothing to fear and nothing to defend.

Laura V. Hyde is the Spiritual Leader of the Unity Church of Five Cities in Central Coast California, a national author and speaker. Laura does spiritual counseling, is the author of “Gifts of the Soul” and “The Intimate Soul,” a facilitator of “A Course in Miracles” and the host of a show on Public Television. www.laurahyde.com