The journey into the higher self is the integration of all the selves, or subpersonalities with the soul.

Sanaya Roman (Orin)

You may have heard someone say, “A part of me wants to go, but another part is afraid.” or “I have a fun-loving side as well as a serious aspect to my personality.” We usually think of ourselves as having a personality, but what is even more fascinating and enlightening to me is the idea that the personality is really comprised of many parts or sub-personalities This concept is being taught by a number of enlightened teachers now, because it is part of the puzzle that we need to understand as we heal and grow spiritually.

I believe that part of our purpose on earth is to become aware of our wholeness. We may feel separate from God and disconnected from each other. We are, therefore, subconsciously attracted to people who we hope can fill our perceived lack. For instance, If we are feeling insecure, we may be attracted to someone who seems secure and can somehow give us that feeling. That makes us very dependent on that other person. It also puts pressure on the other person to fulfill our need which is an impossible task because our lesson is to feel secure within ourselves. Through relationships we become aware of the parts that we need to develop in us. The other person is our model. We also have qualities about us that they were attracted to for their learning. Through us they may be learning about compassion, patience or humor. People come together because they are vibrationally drawn to each other. They are vibrational matches.

At some level we are aware that there are many aspects to each person’s personality. The parts that we are aware of in ourselves are the parts we “own.” We may recognize that we have a creative part, a curious part, a responsible part or a critical part. There are other aspects to our personality of which we are unaware. These are our “shadow parts” or our “disowned” sub-personalities. If you want to know what your shadow parts are, ask yourself; “Who do I really admire?” What do I admire about that person?” Since you have a strong reaction to the person and to that trait, you probably also have that quality within you. It may not be as visible in you at the present time as it is in the person you admire, but it is there or you wouldn’t have strong feelings. The person is reflecting or mirroring that quality so you can own it and develop it. On the other hand, ask yourself, “What kind of person really drives me crazy?” Your response may be a clue to your shadow parts that you do not really want to see in yourself. You may have this trait to a lesser degree or it may be a trait you have suppressed. If you did not have that side to you, you would not react strongly to the person who is displaying those traits. You would simply observe the other person’s behavior without strong feelings. Dr. Brugh Joy, MD also has an interesting way of expressing the concept of mirroring. Think of someone you have a strong reaction to, either positive or negative. Make a loose fist and point your index finger at that person as you make a statement about them, such as, “You are so closed-minded.” or “You are a leader.” Then notice that the other three fingers are pointing back at you to remind you that you too have that characteristic to some extent. That characteristic may be something you want to work on.

We have polarity parts. We may act primarily from our responsible sub-personality, but we also have within us a part that wants to be irresponsible. We may have suppressed that trait because it seemed negative or undesirable. That irresponsible part may be just trying to get us to lighten up and allow more time for fun. Or we may be nice most of the time and suppress the angry part of ourselves. The angry part is not necessarily negative. It reflects that something important to us is in jeopardy and we should express our needs or feelings in an assertive way.

We cannot utilize our hidden desirable sub-personalities unless we know about them, nor can we evolve the parts we consider undesirable unless we are aware of them. So through others we can learn about ourselves to develop our strengths and correct our perceived faults. To heal those parts that you do not like in yourself, send love, acceptance and forgiveness to the person who is mirroring that aspect of you. A Course in Miracles says that “Giving and receiving are the same.” When you give love, acceptance and forgiveness to others you automatically give the same to yourself which allows those shadow parts in you to evolve and heal. We are here to embrace all parts of ourselves as we learn to love ourselves unconditionally.

Parts or sub-personalities develop at different stages in our life to help us cope with challenges or to protect us in some way. Each part is trying to do something positive for us. The part of us that overeats may be trying to give us pleasure or nurturing, because this has worked in the past. It can be re-educated to work just as hard to give us these benefits in a new more desirable way based on our updated goals and awareness. The part that smokes or drinks may be trying to help us relax or to manage our emotional states. That part can be updated to help us find new healthier ways to accomplish relaxation and achieve good feelings. Some of our sub-personalities are still utilizing the coping techniques that we developed as children. As children we may have reacted to frustration by leaving the room. As an adult we may need to handle frustration in another way. The creative part of us can help us to find new ways to respond to our challenges.

The purpose of our lives is to grow into our perfection. By being aware of our sub-personalities, we can heal the wounded places and achieve balance in our lives as we express the full spectrum of our being.

Donna May MA Ed, is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Stress Management, Pain Relief Specialist, practitioner of NLP, Reiki and Yuen Energetics. She utilizes spiritual principles and “A Course in Miracles” teachings. Available for classes, public presentations or private consultations. (248) 626-4859 or DonnMay27@comcast.net.