THE HOLISTIC LAWYER

 by Mindy Hitchcock

I have a picture on my desk that inspires me whenever I go to court – a kitten looking into the mirror, seeing its reflection as a tiger. The caption says “Never underestimate the power of a strong self image.” Physical appearance does not determine the success of our endeavors. Success is determined by how we see ourselves.

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHO'S THE FAIREST ONE OF ALL?

Snow White begins with a Queen who consults a magic mirror every day because her self image is so weak, she requires reassurance that she is the “fairest in the land.” Time passes and one day the charmed glass reports to her that someone else is more fair than she. The Queen resolves to have her rival killed. This is a poverty mentality at its worst; the belief that what someone else has, takes away from us.

Such is the premium that vanity assigns to the contours of a face. Everyday, women all over the world look into a not-so-magic mirror and criticize the image they see. We all do it. Perhaps we focus on a too-wide mouth; a long nose, a zit or the appearance of unwanted lines. “If only I looked like _____”, we think, “I would be OK.”

Whenever we compare ourselves to stars in the entertainment media, we tend to come up short because we are comparing our insides to other people’s outward image. We are being asked to strive for unattainable ideals.

Every day, the cosmetics industry spends millions to make us believe that we do not merit love unless we buy wares to enhance our beauty. Pop culture teaches that our lives would be happier and more exciting if we did not have to work for our livelihood. Television and movies lead us to believe that even the most complex dramas can be resolved within two hours.

We think that we know ourselves, but the truth is we can’t even see ourselves. To experience a happier life takes looking into our own “magic mirrors.” In order to get to where we want to go, we have to know where we are. And so the Universe has provided us with wonderful mirrors; the reflection of the people around us. Do you want to know what you believe about yourself? Look at the people who surround you.

Do your loved ones honor and respect you for who you are? Or are you surrounded by people who reject or belittle you, telling you that it is for your own good? How others treat you closely matches how you treat yourself.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, are these experiences teaching you anything at all?

If we are with someone who constantly criticizes and ridicules us, it is most likely because we criticize and ridicule ourselves. If we are with someone who is usually angry and fearful, it is an expression of our own anger and fear.

You can change friends, lovers, jobs; and yet you will attract the same kind of people with different names. The philosopher Voltaire wrote a novel Candide about a man who kept running into the same crazy people until he took stock of himself. He then made the often quoted realization: “We all must cultivate our own gardens.”

People come into our lives because we attract them, for one reason or another. The people we like reflect the loving aspects of ourselves. The people we dislike reflect patterns within ourselves that we need to change. If you find yourself blaming others or getting frustrated by what they do, take a moment and step back. Ask yourself what lesson this person is teaching you. We are all here to teach and to learn. Once you are willing to learn the lesson that you need to learn and change, then the people who irritate you will either treat you differently or they will move on.

As a young adult, I attracted the attentions of men who didn’t appreciate my abilities and talents. I tried and tried to win their admiration, but I never could. I tried to look perfect, act perfect and do everything perfectly; yet I could not please them.

In the course of my journey, I realized that it wasn’t the man I was with who was failing to appreciate me; it was me who was not seeing the woman in the mirror. As I learned to love and appreciate my own qualities, the critical, unappreciative men moved out of my life. No fuss, no drama. Instead of being eaten alive with bitterness, I thanked them for being my teachers. They taught me what I needed to learn about myself and when I learned the lesson, they moved on.

Try this experiment: Think of someone in your life who irritates you. Write down everything about that person you dislike. Don’t spare anything.

Now, sit quietly. Look in that magic mirror on the wall of your consciousness. Ask yourself where in your life you do the very same things. Write this list down. You will be amazed to find that somewhere in your life you do every one of the things that bother you.
The purpose of this exercise is not to criticize, but to gain self awareness. Criticism only locks us into the very pattern we are trying to change; self awareness liberates us to achieve our highest good. Clarity is the first step to power. Acknowledge yourself for being willing to change; the Universe will take care of the rest. Know that you are doing the very best you can in this moment. And so is everyone else. Make this affirmation: “I am willing to release the need to be critical of myself and others.”

Try wearing a rubber band around your wrist for a few days. Every time you criticize yourself or someone else, snap the rubber band against your wrist. Notice how often you say, “ouch.” When you criticize internally, it disturbs your sense of well being. The rubber band helps “snap” you out of the habit.

The longer you blame your spouse, your parents or your siblings for the problems apparent in your life, the more you give away your own power to heal your life. Acknowledge that you are 100 percent responsible for whatever happens in your life and watch how powerful you become. Blaming others for your misfortunes won’t help.

Start looking each day for ways to love yourself. Look deeply into your own eyes in the mirror and say “I love you.” Praise yourself for every little thing. “I had the courage to say ‘No’ when someone asked me to do something I really didn’t want to do.” Or “I remembered to say my affirmations this morning.” Each step forward will bring you more joy. Criticism breaks down the spirit. Praise builds up the heart.

Be gentle and patient with yourself as you learn the new ways. You are planting seeds and seeds all take time to grow. You’ll be surprised how many times you look in the mirror and see a smile beaming back at you. Soon, you will produce an abundant harvest of joy.

Affirmation: I willingly release the need to criticize myself or others. I love and accept myself, exactly as I am.

© 2007 Mindy L. Hitchcock