In order to truly communicate, we must take responsibility for the heart space that exists between us and another. It is that heart space, or the absence of it, which will determine whether communication is miraculous or fearful.

Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

During these times of great change and conflict, there may be no better way to promote healing and unity than through the power of listening. To listen with a loving and open heart is the most effective tool we possess in connecting with others in a meaningful and transforming way. Particularly during times of crisis, listening from the heart has the capability to open doors for true communication and intimacy to flow through. I recently read an interview with Thich Nhat Hanh where he was asked, “How would you handle a meeting if it were with Osama bin Laden?” to which he lovingly replied, “If I were given the opportunity to be face to face with Osama bin Laden, the first thing I would do is listen. I would try to understand why he had acted in that cruel way. I would try to understand all of the suffering that had led him to violence. It might not be easy to listen in that way, so I would have to be very calm and lucid... In this way, an atmosphere of support would be created for this person and those connected so that they could share completely, trust that they are really being heard.”

Each of us has been in a situation where two people spoke but nothing was really heard. Likewise, we’ve encountered situations where no one has spoken a word but volumes were communicated. What is said is less important than why it’s being stated. When we are listening from fear rather than love, it’s impossible to create a safe space in which the other person can really express him or herself. Also, we cannot really hear what the other is saying when we’re afraid, defensive or taking what is said personally. I remember years ago when a relative called me because she was very upset. She felt I was to blame for her upset and directed a line of questions at me. Rather than allowing me to answer, she quickly finished my answers for me which made me realize it didn’t matter what I had to say for she had already decided what she wanted to hear. There wasn’t any communication and as a result, no understanding or resolution at that point in time.

Conversely, I remember being in situations with loved ones where I have been upset and projected blame and instead of getting defensive, they have understood my communication as a call for love and responded accordingly. This kind of listening is based on real empathy and requires emotional maturity and compassion.

Do you listen from your heart?

If you want more meaningful, peaceful relationships and are interested in contributing to the healing of our planet, be willing to listen from your heart by practicing the following:

• Seek not to change another, but to truly understand them. Ask yourself what is most important before you communicate with another. Is your intention to change the other or to develop compassion by walking in their shoes?

• Be willing to let the other person speak their truth. Are you more interested in getting the other to say what you want to hear or genuinely connect with them heart-to-heart? If what the other person say upsets you, take responsibility for your reaction rather than becoming defensive. Real communication requires letting go of attachment to outcome and allowing the other person to speak openly.

• Avoid judging another based on what you see on the surface. Developing empathy and compassion requires suspending judgment based on what your physical senses perceive. It involves accepting that you can’t possibly know everything that the person in front of you has experienced. Your physical senses reinforce your intellect and prevent you from listening from your heart.

• See the other as an equal to you. It’s impossible to really listen if you feel you are “better” than others or “know everything” there is to know about a situation. Be willing to see your encounters as a learning experience. Everyone is a teacher who has much to share.

• Keep an open mind. A constricted and closed mind causes us to become defensive and prevents empathy and understanding from occurring. Don’t allow religious, political, racial, geographical, sexual preference, financial differences or public opinion to obscure your heart. Empty your mind of preconceived beliefs so you can truly focus on the person in front of you.

• Start anew and let go of past perceptions. Listening to someone based on your perception of his past experiences inhibits honest communication. Approach every situation as a brand new encounter. Accept that people change (haven’t you?) and avoid dragging the past into the present.

• Envision yourself as a strong and loving being connected with our Creator. Listening from your heart leads to genuine intimacy which is what we most long for – with ourselves, Spirit and others. If you view yourself as weak and separate from others, you will have a very hard time believing you can lovingly listen – not only to others – but to your own heart. Practice seeing yourself as a strong, powerful and loving being who deserves genuine communication and is capable of listening with empathy, compassion and a loving, open heart. And so it shall be.

Laura V. Hyde, MA, is founder of Infinite Wisdom and has a private practice in San Luis Obispo County, California, where she provides spiritual counseling and soul purpose coaching. A national author and speaker, Laura offers numerous workshops for awakening the heart and spirit. She is the author of Gifts of the Soul and The Intimate Soul, a syndicated columnist for more than 20 publications, a student of A Course in Miracles and a visionary speaker. Laura is the host of Relationship Wisdom on Public TV and a keynote speaker throughout the U.S. and Canada. Please visit www.laurahyde.com.