THE HOLISTIC LAWYER

 by Mindy Hitchcock
 

I used to buy my daughter those shirts, pants and purses proudly emblazoned: “Drama Queen.” It was all in good fun. One day, I began to question the wisdom of an epithet that Merriam Webster defines as “a person given to often excessively emotional performances or reactions.” Things that make you go “hmm.” There is a better way.

Last Sunday, I walked into my living room and found my son and his girlfriend engaged in truly shocking behavior. I mean, heinous. They were watching a television show that portrayed a wealthy over-privileged 16-year-old, celebrating her birthday in an orgy of spending, as if she had accomplished some incredible feat. It amazed me that there is such a show. What was even more amazing, is that people watch such vulgarity. Before I hyperventilate, one more, “Amazing!” My own kids were watching that show!

Heeelllp!!

Do you know a drama queen? Of course you do! In America, land of “It’s All About Me,” we have more drama queens per square mile than any country on the planet.

According to www.bullyonline.org, the website of the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line, the “drama queen” personality is actually a manifestation of an attention-seeking personality disorder: “The drama queen: Every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if necessary distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis proportions. Histrionics may be present where the person feels she is not the centre of attention but should be.”

You gotta love those Brits.

This personality disorder was especially manifest among women who use their own emotional responses as a method of acquiring power over others within their sphere. I say this, not to criticize the drama queens of the world. Everybody needs love and we all play the role at different times in our lives. But I am saying this to share a secret of success that I have learned by observation and by practice.

In my journey, I have observed that “drama” is a very small part of the day for people whose lives actually work. The same event that sets off a “drama queen” is, to a successful person, just another ripple in the waves. This difference in strength of character becomes even more apparent in divorce; which is itself an emotional event.

Emotional displays are actually an ineffective way to exercise and acquire personal power. Look at the successful women of the world and notice how drama-free their lives are.

Helen Keller was blind and deaf from an illness she suffered when she was 18-months-old. Yet she could talk, write, read and make friends. She is well known for saying “Life is either a daring adventure or it’s nothing.” And for her, so it was! She went to an Ivy League school, wrote a dozen books, learned several languages, traveled the globe, met 12 U.S. presidents and lived to be 87-years-old. She had no time for drama. She was too busy living. So she chose to be a queen.

Martha Stewart got sent to prison over a stock trade. We all know that. When she was convicted of insider trading, the event was massaged for maximum dramatic effect. K-Mart’s stock plummeted. It was the end of the world as we know it. What did Martha do while in prison? She lost weight, taught yoga and held classes on how to become an entrepreneur. When she emerged from behind bars, she looked better than when she had entered.

Freedom is a state of mind. For my money, it would have been worth it to be in prison just to learn from Martha Stewart, up close and personal. That was a liberation for somebody.

So, what does this mean? Sure, you can achieve short term, shallow gains by dropping handkerchiefs and throwing tantrums. People close by will give you a wide berth. But the path to real power begins within and flows out from there by way of the principle of attraction.

Excerpted from "JIGSAW: Putting the Pieces Together After Divorce."

© 2007 Mindy L. Hitchcock