Dear Louise,
I’m 39-years-old, married and I’ve got two children. I’m working and going to school. I’ve been a very sensitive girl since my childhood (my dad was an alcoholic) and there was a lot of fighting in my family. I was 21- years-old when I got married to my husband, who is disabled and 17 years older than I am.

Sometimes I feel like I’m suffering, but I just want to be happy and loved by my entire family. I don’t like fighting, but my mother and my husband make me feel bad. Please help me to find my inner peace.

Z.D., Greece

Dear Z.D.,

Those of us who were born sensitive often have a more challenging time in life. Having an alcoholic parent doesn’t help. However, in your case, know that that was then and this is today and only you are in charge of your life. No one can make you feel bad, for you’re the only thinker in your mind. In spite of the fact that your plate’s quite full now, you can still choose how to feel inside and only you can make you happy. It will never come from the outside. Learn to breathe deeply, fully and often.

Use these affirmations: I choose to love myself. I choose to think happy thoughts. I choose to make myself feel good. I am worth loving. I live in a loving family. Everybody loves me. I create peace within me. I am thankful for my life. I create more joy every day.

Continue to say these over and over and they’ll become true for you.

Dear Louise,

In about three weeks’ time, I’m going to find out if my sister is suffering from hepatitis C. Now I’m trying to speed up my self-healing process from depression and overeating so I can help my sister heal herself. The problem is that she’s not familiar with the power of our thoughts and of the subconscious. I want to teach her that but don’t know where to start.

How do I broach such ideas to someone who has just discovered she’s suffering with something medicine refers to as incurable? I’m a college student and my sister and I lost touch when we moved to different cities. I believe we’ll both come home soon and I want to learn for both our sakes how to cope with this. Thank for your patience.

J.D., Croatia

Dear J.D.,

Where do you start? You start teaching others by healing yourself first. Words don’t teach. Action and experience teach. You need to be able to say, “This is what worked for me.” So let’s start with you. Depression is anger that you feel you have no right to express. That alone can depress anyone. The overeating is to find a bit of joy in this mass of negative thinking you’re indulging in. Be patient with yourself. From moment to moment, remind yourself that you’re a beautiful being and worth loving and healing.

The key to successful self healing is to insist on you loving you, no matter what the old messages in your head say. Really listen to what you say and think. Stop yourself in mid-sentence. Say: “I refuse to belittle you anymore. I love and adore you. You are my cherished self.” Practice this continually and by the time you meet your sister, you’ll teach her how to heal by example. I know you can do it!

Dear Louise,

I’m 40-years-old and feel that I have so much to offer, not only to a relationship with a man (which I’ve never had in any significant way), but to myself in terms of the way I want to live my life. I’ve always carried a sense of guilt and shame due to the fact that I’ve gone against my mother’s (and indeed, my extended Italian family) hopes, wishes and expectations about me and sadly I’ve succumbed by holding back my true self and feeling guilty about “leaving” my mother alone.

She is very sad and lonely and sees me as strong and capable, so she relies on me emotionally. I want to live overseas and use my creativity to write, but still feel held back and have a host of fears that I’ve developed from an early age, which manifest as physical fears stopping me moving forward. Is the answer as simple as what I think it is?

P.L., New Zealand

Dear P.L.,

Some cultures put more guilt on their children than others, However, you don’t have to live according to others’ expectations. You’ve given 40 years of your life to your family and still everybody is miserable. So giving them your all hasn’t worked. Remember, you’re here on Earth to express your own unique self. You really are the only one who is holding yourself back. You must step out and do what’s best for you.

Many years ago when I began to release all the guilt I carried, I would say to myself every time guilty feelings came up: “I refuse to play the guilt game any longer. I am free to be me.” When people say you’re selfish, it only means that they want to be selfish instead. Take your freedom by the hand and go for it.

Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the best-selling author of numerous books, including “You Can Heal Your Life”, “Empowering Women” and “I Can Do It®”. If you have questions for Louise Write to: Dear Louise Column, c/o Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100 (letters may be edited for length and clarity). Due to the volume of e-mails Louise receives, she can no longer respond via the Internet. Visit Louise and Hay House at: www.LouiseHay.com or www.hayhouse.com®.